Diatribe (on a Monday Morning)
by narie the waitress
Summary: Not everyone needs to believe in magic, even in a city like Tokyo, do they? Not even in a city where magical girls are part of daily life...


Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi and assorted others. I have never claimed to be one of those assorted others, and I'll never do that, unless I develop some kind of mental illness in which I lose track of reality. Do not sue. 

Diatribe (on a Monday morning)

by narie_the_waitress

(PG, some colorful language to make things look more realistic.)

     "Before you say anything else, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Doitsu Kaigi and, as you will undoubtedly hear from the first person who approaches you after you leave this office, I do not believe in the Sailor Senshi or magic of any kind. My theory is that they are a publicity scam for something or other, and that one day we will finally be told what it is they are trying to sell us. Until then, I shall remain a skeptic. And yes, before you say anything else, I am also aware of the fact that they have been fighting for four years, and that it is a rather long time for a marketing campaing, but the year 2000 is getting closer, and you never know what kind of thing to expect from those Americans. Damned Americans, as I like to say. Always out to take over the world. Well, they will see, if they try. I know all about them, heard all about them; my father was present in Okinawa, and I have heard enough things about them to, well..."

     ...

     "Do excuse me, I got carried away. Nonetheless, let's continue where we left off.

     "It is interesting to see that you have no look of utter dismay on your face, or of shock, or countless similar others I've been faced with. Indeed, that is something in your favour. As you know, all of your work will go through me, and should I find any unnecessary, patronizing references to Sailor Moon or any other so called magical girls, I will edit them out of your article. If after hearing that you still wish to work with me, then all the better. I will be honest with you, you come highly recommended to us from your former employees, who still cannot find a reason as to why you left their enterprise so suddenly. Nevertheless, it will indeed be a pleasure to have you working under me, should you choose to accept.  

     "Yes, of course, I will answer any questions you might have. What will your job consist of, you ask? I am surprised you are not aware of that; after all, you do look like a rather competent person. Nevertheless, your job here would involve investigating these so called Senshi sightings and battles, and gathering evidence to prove the fact that they are not magical heroines, but something much more simpler. Anything you write will then, as I have said, be edited by me, and then published in the morning edition of our newspaper. I know there is no need for me to tell you that this is a very stressful job; I am aware of the fact that you have had enough experience with newspapers to be able to determine that yourself. Not only that, but most Senshi sightings occur in the afternoon or evening, and the article will need to be published the day after, which means that you will have to write it that same night/morning, before the evening edition is sent to print. It's quite a task; you will find yourself sleeping during the day-time and working at night. You will pull more all-nighters than you did when you went to university.

     "And yet you remain calm and unshocked. That is rather unsettling; any other employee of mine faced with the same prospect would have commented rather loudly on the impossibility of this project. Although, as I said before, your reactions so far are quite in your favour. 

     "Good. So that is understood. Any other questions, asides from the one that I know you will ask at the end of this interview? No? Then we can move onto the real heart of the matter, right? Why I don't believe in magic, or in the Sailor Senshi.

damnant quod non intelligunt

they condemn that which they do no understand

(and now we return to our story.)

     "Magic does not exist. It is something from our imagination, our answer to the unknown once we turn away from the more traditional religions that deny everything but their own gods. There are religions and religions and among one of them falls magic, which is nothing but an illusion, a way of ensuring our eternally sought happy ending; it is nothing much else but another way of bringing god from the machine, of finding god in the machine, if you will.  

     "Miracles aren't real, superheroes aren't real. Nothing but childhood illusions in the corner that should be shattered with the first hint of maturity and reality. Why people refuse to accept, to let go, is a mystery to me, but I don't like to indulge in a search for the answer too often. It's simply not worth my time; to search and find out that I already knew everything that I found at the end, and that therefore it was a completely pointless search. 

     "People accuse me of being stupid sometimes. some other times, of being blind, of being nothing but a stubborn old man who refuses to see past his outdated beliefs. 'Just because you don't believe in magic, Kaiji-san,' they'll say, 'it doesn't mean that it's not there. You have to look hard and you will see that you are wrong, that it IS there.' You obstinate old fool, they all add to themselves in silence. 

     "But they fail to see that even if I am an obstinate old blind fool, I am better than them all, because at least I am _old_, unlike them, blind children, and have managed to see past that thick shell of stupidity they call magic. I have experience, something they lack, and I know much more than they do, although they cannot even see that.

     "Allow me to explain, before you counter my argument, as you will undoubtedly do. You have remained silent until now, so I imagine that you are building up one powerful counter argument in your head. Nevertheless, let me provide you with this hypothetical case. Let's suppose that in a different universe from ours, in a alternate plane, there is magic. Magic is a way of life, and you can throw blasts of energy to defend yourself. 

     "And now suppose that some evil, omnipotent force threatened to take over this parallel plane. Would you fight for the life of your planet wearing a short skirt? Would you shake a rattle at your adversary as your ultimate attack? Would you yell "Pink Sugar Heart Attack" and expect the magic to come flowing to you, to feel its energy, intoxicating in its might, coursing through your body for one instant, and then leaving your hands?

     "I wouldn't. Because the notion of seeing a pink heart of pure energy leave my hands is one every adult should ignore. 

     "And yet they don't. Like children in front of a toy store, they will stare at any flimsy scrap of image tossed at them by the benevolent media gods. They will buy, and they will sell, and they will stare, and they will praise, and never once think about the plain lack of everything about these Sailor Senshi. There is no information about them, asides from very scarce facts reported by the few that have seen them; three or four fuzzy videotapes of them, in which nothing can be seen but human figures covered with static. Nothing about them. Nothing to make them real to us. I've been told by some 'believers' that such a thing is what makes them so attractive. They're mysterious, and damn, they sell toothpaste much better than any flashy commercial will, in any case. Damned Americans. 

     "These Senshi, they appeal to the child inside us, but that does not mean they are real. They are simply like the fantasy kingdom we all played in. An illusion, brought forth from the kindgom of dreams, from Never Never Land, from Elysium."  

     He got up, and started pacing around the room, looking at the person seated in the chair in front of the desk. He moved his arms quickly, using them to emphasize his point, gesturing violently, his mouth contorning itself into almost grotesque shapes as he continued his denunciation of the power of magic, and of the stupidity of those around him. His eyes were focused on the emotionless face in front of him, in all of its sheer smoothness and beauty, flanked by long, languid hair.

     "I think there is a line we have to draw. A little child can believe in Sailor Moon; you cannot deny them that, but only because they know no better. But grown adults should not do it. I do not dispute the fact that they have seen a girl who dones a sailor suit and goes around shaking a rattle, but there is a brutal difference between that and believing that said girl posesses vast magical powers and that she has saved countless individuals from certain death. Not only that, but she even dares presume that she has saved this planet from oblivion. and not once, but thrice! Thrice! Can you see the sheer stupidity of the thing? How can a puberty-stricken girl save a planet from... what was it, again?"

     The person in front of him supplied him with the answers, eyes glistening with some undescribable amusement.

     "Oh, yes, thank you very much. The Dark Kingdom. The Doom Tree. The Black Moon. And the Death Busters. I was wrong. She's saved us from death four times, not three. Yes, indeed she has. Of course she has. I owe her my life.

     "Do you see my point? The absurdity of the situation should give it away. I can't understand what people see in it that makes them believe it all, what kind of skew logic they use. I fail to understand that. Maybe you fail to understand my point. Maybe you're here to tell me that I am wrong, that I am nothing but a foolish old man, and in that case, rest assured, you will not work here for long. However, I have faith in your abilities," he glanced down at the folder in front of him, and pronounced the woman's name. "I believe you will be a great asset to our newspaper. So long as you don't turn out to be one more of those simpletons who believe in magic."

     Having finished his long speech, he returned to his leather chair, some sweat beads visible in his forehead. Letting himself collapse onto the chair, as opposed to sitting on it, he looked at the one in front of him expectantly, awaiting her reaction. The woman took her time, searching in her mind for just the right words to say. She was a creature of few words, but she had to make sure everything worked out the way it was supposed to. A single mistake, and she would die, having broken the laws that bound her to duty. She had to be very careful now, dancing around the invisible threads around her, and making sure that everything went as it was supposed to, and not otherwise. 

     "Oh, no, Doitsu-san. I completely agree with your views. I do not believe in the Sailor Senshi either, which is why I am so interested in the position you are offering me. Magic is something that can't exist. It goes against every law of physics and of nature that I have ever studied, and I also fail to see what draws people to it so much. I am curious, but I remain a complete skepticm, at least until someone presents me with definite, hardcore, irrefutable evidence, and I do doubt that will happen anytime soon." The woman moved her head and calmly nodded at the man in front of her, her long, dark green hair and her dark red eyes shining. 

     "Well, then, Meioh-san. I am pleased, quite pleased indeed, to hear what you have to say. You have gotten yourself a job. I hope you will be able to shed some light on these so called lemure and Senshi sightings. Good luck, and it has been a pleasure to meet you. I hope to see you tomorrow morning here, yes? I am quite formal about punctuality."

     "Oh, Doitsu-san, that shall be no problem, I can assure you. None at all. Time has always been something of much concern to me.

     "We go quite a long ways back, you may say..."

     And with that, Meioh Setsuna-san, newest employee of a normal evening-newspaper in Tokyo shook hands with her new employer, and then smiled professionally and left his office. She thought back on her cryptic words. They weren't all that great, or encouraging, but as soon as the old man started believing that indeed, she was an ally, that she was someone who shared his belief, things would move a bit more towards the right path, and not towards all the other wrong options that she had glimpsed many times while gazing out in longing from her solitary post at the Time Gate.

     And Doitsu-san puzzled over that last comment of hers for a second and then returned his attention to his mundane task of uncovering the truth behind the Sailor Senshi. 

     And it shouldn't surprise all that many people that a year and a bit after Meioh Setsuna started working for Doitsu Kaiji, the Earth was accidentaly frozen by something unknown (but evil), and laid dormant for 1000 years, until the Neo Queen Serenity woke from her sleep and in her desperation used her Silver Crystal to bring Endymion's planet back to life, along with Endymion himself.

     And when she got the bright idea of turning Earth into a Utopia; an idea that had come from Sailor Pluto more than from anyone else (she had been pretty adamant about the whole Crystal Tokyo thing), there were people who resisted the cleansing her crystal offered. And through some wise political moves (once again, expertly advised by lovely Sailor Pluto), they were soon viewed as dangerous; as enemies; as people who couldn't be trusted, and so they hid in the darkness of anonimity until it came to the point where they were being hunted down by angry mobs. Not like Serenity endorsed or aproved of any of this, but it happened nevertheless, and so Serenity decided to use her power, and offered them all a choice, because she did not want her city to turn into a modern version of all those 20th century cities where crime had prevailed too much. 

     The city itself, Crystal Tokyo, new heart of the Earth, wasn't all that bad. It was clean, it was green, it was crystalline, it was shimmering, and it was nothing short of an architectural nightmare. But it came with a high price; the cleansing of the crystal, and some people just weren't willing to pay that much. 

     And so they were told that they either acceped the crystal or got to live in a hell-hole type of rock that was quite a long ways away from the Earth. 

     Of course, these people, they weren't told that the place was a hell-hole. They were told that they either accepted the crystal or got the hell out of the planet. No other choice. Sorry, you either take it or you leave. We don't want no sorry criminals running around the city of crystal. 

     And among the first people to decide that they'd rather migrate than be turned into mindless automatons (well, that's what they said, anyhow) was a wrinkled old man; energetic, who hobbled around with his wooden cane, barking commands and harsh words at those around him. And of course this old man was called Doitsu Kaigi (who was very angry with that treacherous vixen, that Meioh woman who had not only betrayed him and suddenly started believing in magic, but had also turned out to be none other than 'Sailor Pluto' (at which point he would snort)), and of course he spent those last days on Earth with an image of utter disgust etched on his face, and of course he spent those last days on Earth writing pamphlets about how the Americans were behind this, and how there was no such thing as magic, damn it, and why didn't people know better afterall, the bunch of sorry idiots that they were, blind idiots, mindless little children, good for nothing adults, that wouldn't know some common sense even if it came around and bit them in the ass. 

     And then, on a previously agreed upon morning, they all gathered on what used to be the park where Tsukino Usagi and Chiba Mamoru had spent their afternoons, and lovely, magnanimous Serenity got her crystal out, and with help of her Senshi, who loaned their energy to her, she teleported all those "social rejects" to the previously agreed upon planet. 

     And yes, indeed, when they came to they were sitting in the hell-hole rock known as Nemesis. And yes, of course they grew damned bitter about that particular fact, because, damn it, these were people who might not have believed in magic, but they still believed in blue skies, and green grass, and yellow suns, and they had nothing of that here, but instead lived in a dark rock that floated through empty space, always guided by the invisible hands of its true master, a most unfriendly fellow who went by the name of the Doom Phantom and who wrapped all of those skeptic people into his own tools; seeding magic into them. And when the time was right, he took advantage of them all, and sent them all off to their deaths, with the help of his avatar, the Wiseman, another most unfriendly fellow, nothing much more but rags and bones and treachery; who bode his time quietly and played devious games with the inhabitants of the planet, tricking them, fooling them and weaving a thick weave around them, deceiving them so they could not escape only so he could ensure his master's triumph over the scum that were the Nemesians...

     And all of that just because of a Monday morning diatribe.

As to the whole weirdness of the story, well, not everyone needs to believe in magic, do they? And I'm sure there were people who opposed the coming of Crystal Tokyo, people who most likely ended up in Nemesis, and who most likely had been denying the existence of magic ever since it became news. So, there you have it. Incidentally, I personally am overly fond of the Nemesians... 

Since I was feeling puny when I started writing this, Kaigi means doubt, scepticism, disbelief. It seemed to fit. 

Feedback of any kind, is, as always, encouraged.

Narie

Brazil, July 25th, 2001. 

(bakanarie@hotmail.com

http://planeta.terra.com.br/arte/bakanarie)


End file.
